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Nic and his gang come into the Internet café.
Four of them, they invade the place, taking over separate computers and yelling at each other.
Nic is short. Nic is tough. Nic could do with spending longer in the shower because Nic does not smell too good.
Nic is about ten or so by rough estimate and he swears like a sailor.
Or at least he tries to, his swear words are clipped, as though too much time texting them from one friend to another has robbed them of their vowels for brevity’s sake.
He says: “For fcks sake man, this fckng computer doesn’t work. What’s fckng going on?”
He says it very loudly.
Nic is not very computer literate.
The man who runs the internet café is not impressed. He asks them to leave. After a brief – indeed, truncated – altercation, they do. The internet café exhales a breath of relief. They breathe again.
Then they’re back, with fresh small change rattling in their fists.
His friends are better at using the computers than he is.
“How do you spell Chris?” one yells, it later becomes apparent that this is his name.
It transpires that Nic is trying to use the Internet telephone to talk to his girlfriend, much to the amusement of his friends, who pilory him every chance they get.
When he talks in the microphone, Nic's tone shifts alarmingly, as though he has based his seduction technique on Barry White records.
His girlfriend is called Amy. He has to keep reminding her not to listen to what the others say about him.
To the others, he yells: “Fck off you ccksckng cntsckrs.”
To Amy he breathes: “Amy, I think you’re hot.”
I pay my bill and leave.