Driving School

12 Years have past since I last sat in the slightly damp,warm chair and I can assure you, 12 years is more than enough time to:

a) forget everything you have might have previously learned and

b) build up a resentment towards something you can't do, but probably should be able to.


"12 years you say, you haven't driven in 12 years? What happened?"

"Just kind of never got round to it after University"

"huh!"

Atul's english is slightly less than perfect, which tends to lend itself to the delivery of his words being a little more blunt than you might normally expect. But given that he charges $20 less than the AA driving instructers I'm more than happy to take my lessons in Urdu.

"I not know how good you are a driver, for this reason I think we go somewhere quiet and I drive"

Fair enough mate, I know just delaying the inevitable here, but an extra five minutes until I have to take the hotseat and the prosect of it being somewhere where there is little chance of hitting anybody and more importantly being seen hitting anybody, all the better.

Atul pulls the car off with consiment ease, not usually something which I pay an over amount of attention to, but on this occasion his every move from head to toe is scrutinised. Ok, I think I've got it, you do the thing with the right hand then you move around in the seat a bit, then you release the thingy with the left hand, then you check that you're looking good in the mirror, then you have a look over the shoulder in case there's any badgers walking past, then when all is clear you push down on the pedal thing and then grip the wheel for dear life and then vooooom take off, and more importantly, just hope to god Atul has his right foot firmly planted on the dual control brake.

"OK, you ready?"

"ready as I'll ever be, HA HA HA HA HA ha ha ha ha"

Things hadn't changed much since 12 years ago, the wheel was still in the same place the pedals looked much the same, the handbrake was there, the radio was comfortably close and still that worrying dampness and warmth in the chair, I'll give you the warmth but the dampness? Focus now, bigger fish to fry, you can always change your trousers but you won't be galivant around New Zealand without a driving license now will you.

"So what is first thing"

" Ahhh, position the mirrors? no no wait a minute, seat belt? no no, put the car in gear?"

"Car Key, Mr Gary, not going very far without Car Key"

"Sorry, just a bit overly eager there!"

"No problems, just relax everything going to be OK"

And everything was Ok. more than OK, it's true what they say driving a car's a bit like riding a bike. The hour went very smoothly and very quickly, mind you a bit more traffic in Auckland than the Shetlands but you quickly got used to that. Yep all in all really enjoyed getting back behind the wheel, and only one real incident to talk of, not sure whether this is fortunate or unfortunate, fortunate in the sense that it didn't involve my poor driving but unfortunate in that, as well as loosing some clear English in my $20 saving I also seem to have lost a little bit of control with body functions. Yep for the slightly cheaper price I get Urdu and belching, anyway certainly keeps you on your toes if I ever thought of dozing off behind the wheel. I have another lesson next week, I'm going to see if I can get a full house and keep the ears pinned for a fart.